i looove you

– I love you because you’re the last person I ever expected to love. 

– I love you because there has never been an awkward silence between us. We’re either comfortably quiet or talking. 

– I love you because while I analyze my next move based on what I should do, you act on impulse and do what you want to do, and that’s where the adventure is. We make a good team.

– I love you because when I walked out of your apartment at 3 a.m. in a rage because of something stupid, you ran after me in bare feet to make me come back. All I ever want to know is that someone will run after me. 

– I love you because when we go to the grocery store for dinner ingredients, you let me throw in a few extra things from my personal grocery list, and you usually pay.

– I love you because you keep your arms around me through the night. 

– I love you because you’re always climbing trees, even though it’s so embarrassing.

– I love you because you were excited to go to the whale exhibit at the Museum of Natural History with me on your birthday, and even though we had only been hanging out for a few weeks, you were happy to be with just me the entire day.

– I love you because you came all the way out to bumfuck Brooklyn to look at an apartment with me and went along with it when I said, “Williamsburg is not that far, let’s walk.” It was far, and it was so hot outside that you walked most of the way without your shirt.  

– I love you because you’d rather jump up onto my fire escape and climb into my room through the window than use the door.

– I love you because you have different opinions than me and challenge me on my own. 

– I love you because for everything I’m not, you are, and even though we’re the same, we’re so different. We balance each other out. 

– I love you because you’re one of my best friends. 

– I love you because we have the same humor, and that is so difficult to find.

– I love you because when I asked you what you would do if I fell into the subway tracks, you said instantly that of course you would jump down and get me, not just that you would pull me back up. 

– I love you because this is hard, and needing other people hurts, but you make me feel alive and invincible and safe, and all of the scary parts about being with another person are worth the trouble because you are so important.

boo bear

My family dog had to be put down on Sunday morning, and it was so devastating. Boo was a rescue dog, coming to us just shy of 6 years ago. He was so jumpy. He didn't trust anyone right away and you couldn't come up from behind him. After being with us a few years he realized what a trustworthy family we were, and he really relaxed. Some things didn't change. He still dumped his food all over the floor and didn't eat it all at once, since he clearly had been in a yard with other dogs figuring out ways in which to eat, and if I hadn't been home in a while, he was nervous around me until he figured out who I was. Boo was the sweetest dog, and although he would bark at strangers, he meant them no harm at all. Just look at those eyes! I really terrorized him with endless iPhone photos and by squeezing his neck with so many hugs, but HE LOVED ME. It's terrible to know I missed saying goodbye to him by just a few weeks. 

around town

Since I'm moving in a week, I've been thinking of all the places I want to go before I leave. Of course I'll be back to the city many times, but it won't be the same once I no longer live here. So many memories.

Sheep Meadow, Central Park
Perfect for laying out, throwing a frisbee, or having a picnic. I came here all the time during my freshman year of college, so it's a nostalgic place for me. This was also the first place I hung out with Dane (boyfriend) outside of work (and my apartment after work...).

Cafeteria
They have the best mac and cheese appetizer (but filling enough to be a meal) and truffle fries.

B Cup Cafe
Really good sandwiches and an iced mocha that doesn't make you feel sick (I love mochas but they're usually so rich I end up feeling nauseous).

Bourbon Coffee
The best place to study. I used to camp out here for hours at a time, and even though I live so far away now, I still make a point to go back when I can.

The Meatball Shop
The title speaks for itself, and the pesto meatballs are to die for.

Arriba Arriba
The Sunnyside, Queens location is best, since it's not too crowded. They have incredible pina coladas and really good food.

West Village
I used to spend hours just strolling through the West Village. It's a cute area with great cafes, restaurants, bars, and shops. I always stop in Bleecker Street Records.

Beacon's Closet
Sort of a higher end thrift shop. Amazing. The Manhattan location is close to Bourbon Coffee which makes the trek to 14th street worth it.

Off the Wagon

Panchitos
My best friend Lauren introduced me to this place. I get chicken and rice almost every time because it is that good. I love their margaritas and nachos as well. If you're still hungry after dinner, there is a tiny crepe place across the street that you absolutely must try.

home decor!

Since moving into my first apartment a few years ago (I lived in a dorm room for three years prior), I've been obsessed with home products. I love curtains, shower mats, bath mats, shelves, pillows, kitchen products, etc. I can't go into Bed Bath & Beyond, or even Target for that matter, without filling a cart with things I don't even really need. Decorating a home is more difficult, though, when you have limited disposable income, roommates, and a temporary apartment. I have loved every one of my roommates, and I was best friends with them all, but I cannot wait to live on my own. I also can't wait to move into an apartment and know that I'll be there a while. I'm ready to create a really nice home for myself. 

Lately I've been really in love with Anthropologie. They have the cutest things, and yes, it is expensive for someone with a low budget, but I gave in to a few of my favorite items.

The cutest measuring cups! They're not practical at all, and I'm sure I'll be breaking one of those tails off at some point, but I'm obsessed. My spirit animal is the Humpback whale, so I might be biased on these.

Dish towel, oven mitt, and candle (French Cade Lavender)

I love this flower pot, and it was only $10!

looking back

I've lived in NYC for about five years now, and I'm finally leaving it. I've been wanting to move for a while, but this year it felt very right. I'm ready for a new city, new people, new shops and cafes to explore, and a new life in general. It was the most difficult decision I've ever made, I've been an absolute mess! Only recently did I stop calling my mother upon waking up to have my daily meltdown. I'm 24, by the way, and still crying on the phone to my mom multiple times a week. I'm fine... 

My final decision was to move back home to Vermont for a bit, save some money, and get my ish together. This is temporary. The last thing I want is to find myself still at home in six months, taking gas money from my dad and eating ice cream on the couch every night, but I'm adamant about leaving Vermont the minute I know where else to go. I'm no longer cut out for that place for longer than a week. 

I started my NYC adventure at the Fashion Institute of Technology when I was barely 20 years old. After living on campus for three years, I moved to an apartment with my two best friends in Midtown East. I graduated, started waitressing at a small, hole in the wall soccer pub, and then moved again to Queens with another friend. I've been waitressing for a year and a half now. It's an easy job and I like my coworkers, but I can only take so much of that damn place. I'm the newest employee, with many of them having been there at least three years. Nooo way was I going to allow that to happen to me. After over a year of customers asking "what beers do you have on tap?" while the draft list is clearly visible up on the wall, a person gets quite weary. I've also been working Trivia Night every Sunday since I got the job. That might sound like fun to some of you, but it's the worst, I swear. I see the same people every single week and listen to my borderline monotone boss asking questions that are much too difficult for people of my generation to answer. It's the same, boring routine every time. I know that "Rangers of the North" only drink water, I know Sal and Joyson get separate tabs, and I know that the one guy in Slopportunists eats the Balsamic Honey Chicken sandwich, sans mushrooms. I don't want to know these things anymore. 

The hardest part about this whole transition is that I have a boyfriend here. We've been together for a little over a year, and I'm obsessed with him. I Love him, capital L love. Long story short, he wasn't sure we should stay together once I move. With both of us trying to rearrange our lives, not knowing where we're going to end up, it's difficult to imagine a solid future together. I think we'll figure things out once I make my next move and he starts to get a grasp on what he wants to do, but for now, my head is a shit show of emotion. 

bye, apartment.

This past year, my friend Shaylah and I made the cutest little home for ourselves in Astoria, Queens. Other than being on a busy street full of LOUD delivery trucks, horns being honked, and rumbling motorcycles at all hours of the day and night, I loved our apartment. I'll miss my fire escape, the tree outside my window, the Dunkin across the street, and the bagel place a few blocks down. So this bagel place, appropriately called Bagel House, is cash only. The first time I stopped in there, I was only looking for an iced coffee. "Oh, we are cash only," the owner said as I tried to hand him my debit card. Whoops. Trying to find cash he said, "Don't worry about it! Just come back tomorrow, I trust you. People always come back." The iced coffee was exactly how I like it, and I went back the following day, and then the day after that, and the day after– you get it. I love the bagels, the coffee, the employees, and the owner's very Greek mother. It's the little things, like the bagel place, that make a neighborhood feel like home. 

I'm so excited to move, hopefully to an apartment with a bit more counter space, but I'm sad to be saying goodbye to this one. 

Pillows are so fun to pick out.

Recognize this print? It's the one Monica has above her television in Friends. I love Friends...

My favorite spot, out on my fire escape on a nice day, laptop or book in my lap and a cider sitting next to me. 

new things

This is the first post of my new blog, and I'm not sure what I'm doing. It doesn't stop there, I really just don't know what I'm doing 95% of my life.

There are a few reasons I decided to start this blog, so I'll list them, because lists seem to be much more appealing and easy to read.

• I stumbled upon the blog Love Chugs and became enamored with this woman immediately. She's beautiful, her husband is beautiful, and her daughters are beautiful. Most importantly, though, the thoughts in her head are so similar to mine. My idea this morning, after browsing through basically her entire blog (it has been a three day affair), was that I wanted to start a blog as well. I connected with a lot of things Wes had to say, and I hope that I can connect with someone, too. Also, her name is Weslie, which is a name I put on my future baby name list a bit ago. Yes, I have a baby name list. I'm that much of a girl, and that lame.
• I'm really into blogging, but I have yet to start one that will stick. I have an online diary of sorts, but it's mostly poems, song lyrics, and quick blurbs. I stopped writing in that a long time ago. Then I started a music blog, but quickly became tired of only writing about music. My latest blog was a travel/music/style blog, which is sort of what this one will be, only I wasn't writing it from a personal place. It was meant to be informational with a personal twist. Does that make sense? Anyway, I got bored with that, too. I always just want to write about myself, my experiences, what I'm thinking. I don't care if it's professional, I just like writing what is real. 
• The most important reason I'm starting this blog is because I'm starting a brand new chapter in my life. Well, I'm in the baby stages of this new chapter, and actually still in the finishing stages of the last one. I'll get to that in my next post. I want to document all the changes I'm going through, so one day I can look back and see how far I've come. I hope I go far.......

So here I am, right now (but not actually right now because I'm sitting on my fire escape under the relentless, beating sun, and I do not look cute).