looking back

I've lived in NYC for about five years now, and I'm finally leaving it. I've been wanting to move for a while, but this year it felt very right. I'm ready for a new city, new people, new shops and cafes to explore, and a new life in general. It was the most difficult decision I've ever made, I've been an absolute mess! Only recently did I stop calling my mother upon waking up to have my daily meltdown. I'm 24, by the way, and still crying on the phone to my mom multiple times a week. I'm fine... 

My final decision was to move back home to Vermont for a bit, save some money, and get my ish together. This is temporary. The last thing I want is to find myself still at home in six months, taking gas money from my dad and eating ice cream on the couch every night, but I'm adamant about leaving Vermont the minute I know where else to go. I'm no longer cut out for that place for longer than a week. 

I started my NYC adventure at the Fashion Institute of Technology when I was barely 20 years old. After living on campus for three years, I moved to an apartment with my two best friends in Midtown East. I graduated, started waitressing at a small, hole in the wall soccer pub, and then moved again to Queens with another friend. I've been waitressing for a year and a half now. It's an easy job and I like my coworkers, but I can only take so much of that damn place. I'm the newest employee, with many of them having been there at least three years. Nooo way was I going to allow that to happen to me. After over a year of customers asking "what beers do you have on tap?" while the draft list is clearly visible up on the wall, a person gets quite weary. I've also been working Trivia Night every Sunday since I got the job. That might sound like fun to some of you, but it's the worst, I swear. I see the same people every single week and listen to my borderline monotone boss asking questions that are much too difficult for people of my generation to answer. It's the same, boring routine every time. I know that "Rangers of the North" only drink water, I know Sal and Joyson get separate tabs, and I know that the one guy in Slopportunists eats the Balsamic Honey Chicken sandwich, sans mushrooms. I don't want to know these things anymore. 

The hardest part about this whole transition is that I have a boyfriend here. We've been together for a little over a year, and I'm obsessed with him. I Love him, capital L love. Long story short, he wasn't sure we should stay together once I move. With both of us trying to rearrange our lives, not knowing where we're going to end up, it's difficult to imagine a solid future together. I think we'll figure things out once I make my next move and he starts to get a grasp on what he wants to do, but for now, my head is a shit show of emotion.