yahtzee

Yesterday my parents and I went on an impromptu camping trip to Jamaica State Park, VT, aka the no service capital of the Northeast. Not a single hint of a signal for miles. I'm all about not using my phone–in theory–but when it comes down to it, I go into full panic mode when I can't communicate with Dane for 18 hours. I kept distracted by biking five miles, hiking two miles, experiencing severe dehydration, swimming in the coldest river ever, and eating too many Twizzlers. I also almost ran over a snake with my bike, and on four separate occasions I found a daddy long legs crawling up my sweatshirt. What the fuck is with daddy long legs? They need to not.

The perfect outdoors look: hiking sneakers and a fanny pack.

I so badly wanted to sit in this ridiculously clear water.

On a different note, Dane let me know this afternoon that he got work off for the time I'm in NYC next week. Since things with us have been, uh, iffy, I was so overwhelmed with joy I couldn't really decide how to react. I'd been preparing myself for a very lonely and sad NYC trip without Dane, but I think it will turn out much better than expected. I got his text after I'd been browsing through our shared Photobucket account and (kind of) crying...

scattered

My scattered thoughts atm (at the moment):

1. I can't stop listening to "Black Widow" by Iggy Azalea ft. Rita Ora. I used to strongly dislike Iggy Azalea, probably because she confused me and I just didn't *get* it (this is how I will forever feel about Lana Del Rey), but something recently clicked and now she's rapidly growing on me.

2. I'm kissing my dreams of working at Chelsea Lately goodbye, since the last episode airs next week. My admiration for Chelsea Handler is so strong, and I will never give up thinking we'll be best friends one day. I understand there is a vast age difference between us, but age is irrelevant when surpassing her maturity is not any kind of an issue. She's a strange kind of idol, but an idol of mine she is.

3. Taylor Swift's new song "Shake It Off" is so fun and special. I thrashed too hard around my room earlier today and hit my head. I'm fine on a physical level, but maybe not a mental one? Also, her hair is all the shades of sophistication and polished I'm looking for. I'll be cutting and dying my hair this weekend, and permanently straightening it at a later date. I had all of these ideas before the "Shake It Off" video, I swear (this is only half true).

4. I'm going to Rhode Island next week for a casual interview at the company I've recently been dreaming of working at. Now that I've gotten this far, I'm terrified of actually getting a job. As badly as I want to start this new chapter in my life, it's so intimidating and a part of me is screaming, look for jobs in New York City, because it's comfortable. But like I've successfully done in the past, I have to push myself out of my comfort zone and wait for everything to turn out alright. My intuition has yet to lead me astray KNOCK ON WOOD.

5. After my interview, I'm heading to Brooklyn to house/cat sit for four days, which means I'll be spending my birthday in the city. I'm worried I'll be disappointed by Dane. I'm keeping my expectations low, and I'm reminding myself that we are...whatever we are. I just have to wait and see how things turn out. What a fun time in my life!

6. I did not enjoy the bike ride I went on today. I only liked this stretch of the path:

Thinking about the small bug that flew into my eyeball, and how I would get it out without a mirror.

fam

This past weekend I partook in my paternal family's annual reunion in Cape Cod, Mass. I try to get out of going any year I can, which is so ridiculous of me. I don't know why I dread a free summer vacation to the ocean, surrounded by family. I love my family, I really do, but I don't enjoy small talk with family members I only see here and there, or being in large groups of people. Family or not, large groups are not my cup of tea; they make me incredibly anxious and closed off. Add in the stress of job hunting and a boyfriend on the verge of possibly not being my boyfriend, and it's a burdensome weekend to say the least. I'm not helpfully distracted by other people–only specific best friends I know can cheer me up–and I would rather just figure my brain out in sorrowful solitude.

Here are some pretty Cape Cod photos from my morning bike rides with my father.

Woods Hole at about 7 am, so quiet and peaceful.

Oh my godddddd I love whales.

Father eating a sandwich.