scattered

My scattered thoughts atm (at the moment):

1. I can't stop listening to "Black Widow" by Iggy Azalea ft. Rita Ora. I used to strongly dislike Iggy Azalea, probably because she confused me and I just didn't *get* it (this is how I will forever feel about Lana Del Rey), but something recently clicked and now she's rapidly growing on me.

2. I'm kissing my dreams of working at Chelsea Lately goodbye, since the last episode airs next week. My admiration for Chelsea Handler is so strong, and I will never give up thinking we'll be best friends one day. I understand there is a vast age difference between us, but age is irrelevant when surpassing her maturity is not any kind of an issue. She's a strange kind of idol, but an idol of mine she is.

3. Taylor Swift's new song "Shake It Off" is so fun and special. I thrashed too hard around my room earlier today and hit my head. I'm fine on a physical level, but maybe not a mental one? Also, her hair is all the shades of sophistication and polished I'm looking for. I'll be cutting and dying my hair this weekend, and permanently straightening it at a later date. I had all of these ideas before the "Shake It Off" video, I swear (this is only half true).

4. I'm going to Rhode Island next week for a casual interview at the company I've recently been dreaming of working at. Now that I've gotten this far, I'm terrified of actually getting a job. As badly as I want to start this new chapter in my life, it's so intimidating and a part of me is screaming, look for jobs in New York City, because it's comfortable. But like I've successfully done in the past, I have to push myself out of my comfort zone and wait for everything to turn out alright. My intuition has yet to lead me astray KNOCK ON WOOD.

5. After my interview, I'm heading to Brooklyn to house/cat sit for four days, which means I'll be spending my birthday in the city. I'm worried I'll be disappointed by Dane. I'm keeping my expectations low, and I'm reminding myself that we are...whatever we are. I just have to wait and see how things turn out. What a fun time in my life!

6. I did not enjoy the bike ride I went on today. I only liked this stretch of the path:

Thinking about the small bug that flew into my eyeball, and how I would get it out without a mirror.

job hunting is fun

Job hunting is basically the worst. You spend hours filling out multiple online job applications at companies you've never heard of, and you're lucky if you even get a response rejecting you, saying you're not going to be continuing on in the hiring process. Think of how many people have access to an online job application, whether or not they're the slightest bit qualified. I can't imagine my resume even gets looked at for most of the jobs I apply to. Knowing someone at a company is so crucial. I did have a connection for a junior editor position at the art website ARTnews, but that connection got fired so I had to say goodbye to that one. Then another connection I had fell through. Then my supervisor at my past internship decided to go MIA, so I couldn't use her as a connection anywhere. Now that I'm on the verge of being 25, have waitressed for a year and a half, and am now living at home–which is boring as all hell–I'm so ready to have a solid job. 

Yesterday, the connection who had previously fallen through, came back through and let me know I should be contacted in the next few weeks about an interview. This is a travel company based in Rhode Island, and I want a job here so f***ing badly. What the heck is in Rhode Island I have no idea, but after asking around I learned that Providence is a real up-and-coming city with a lot of culture to be found. And then there's the ocean. I love the ocean. Even if I've never been to Rhode Island, it sounds pretty promising. Working at a travel company where I'd be required to travel every year would be such a burden, but like, I'll do it.......

With my lack of experience in the professional working world, I'm not confident I'll get a job at all. There's always going to be someone more qualified, which is really intimidating. Despite my stripped confidence, however, I'm setting myself up for disappointment with all the fantasizing I've been doing. I haven't even had an interview and I'm already imagining my life in this new place, with this new job (which would probably be in sales, but I don't even know). I don't know anything, like usual, but in my head I create what my life will be like anyway. I'll find a cheap apartment where I can live alone and decorate how I please, I'll get a dog, I'll start thinking about where I want to travel to, I'll make new friends, I'll discover new favorite coffee shops, I'll become a regular at a cool dive bar. My mind runs away at full speed with any idea or potential opportunity I get, no matter how small it is. 

Maybe it's not realistic, but why can't it be? Why shouldn't I find a job I love and finally live the life I want? It's not like I'm dreaming for the moon here.